Episode 14 - Thieves Like Us (Part 2)

[MADMarkyD93]

Ricky: Sorry I’m late fellas, had to leave Lucinda in charge of the bar.
Max: Cindy?
Ricky: Yeah, what’s wrong?
Max: Nothin’, just tryin’ to remember everyone’s real names ‘n’ their nicknames.
Ricky: You guys goin’ up now?
Miles: Yeah, we were just waitin’ for you.
Max: Well… After you, Woody.
Keith: What?
Miles: Yeah Woody.
Robert: Go on Woody.
Ricky: You can do it Woody.
Keith: … Heh, fine.



Miles: Careful, careful.
Robert: It’s beginning to wobble.
Ricky: Nah, that’s just the wind.
Robert: You sure?
Ricky: Positive.
(Snapping sound)
Keith: Fuck!



Keith: OW!
Ricky: Ok, maybe I was wrong.
Max: What do we do now?
Keith: Get me to a fuckin’ hospital for starters! I think I’ve broken my leg!
Miles: No you haven’t.
Keith: I bloody well have you ignorant shit!



Miles: Does this hurt?…
Keith: …G’AAAAAAGH!!!
Miles: See? It isn’t broken. You mighta’ sprained it or somethin’. Just ‘lax off next week ‘n’ you’ll be fine in time for the showdowns.



Wes: What are they doing over there?
Alan: Killin’ each other ‘cause their plan ain’t as kick-ass as ours? C’mon Lizzie! Let’s go already!
Eliza: Let me concentrate, it’s been a while since I last picked a lock, I need to get my eye in again.
Alan: You get your eye in? That must hurt.
Eliza: …
Alan: Oh, I see what you mean now.



Leo: So, you wanna’ be a Desert King too Charley, huh?
Charley: No.
Leo: Oh?
Charley: I wanna’ be a Desert QUEEN!
Leo: Oh right! Haha, ah you’re a bright one, you are. You should be wantin’ to go off to university like Ellie here does.
Gabrielle: Eleanor wants to work with a big company instead now, something to do with science!
Leo: Science, eh?
Ellie: Yeah…
Leo: What about you, Gabby?
Gabrielle: I want to draw! And paint!
Charley: That’s BORING! I wanna’ crash cars!
Leo: You don’t wanna’ crash cars… Ya’ wanna’ win races!
Charley: Yeah!



Wes: … Did you hear that?
Eliza: Is someone inside?
Alan: Well why don’t you go knock an’ see?
Wes: Because we’re supposed to be breaking into this house Al.
Alan: Oh yeah! I forgot that.
Eliza: Why did you think we were out here?
Alan: (Shrugs) I dunno!



Keith: You’re a bunch of heartless tossers, you know that dontcha’?
Miles: Walk it off Woody, you’ll be fine.
Robert: What we doing now then?



Miles: … I got an idea.



Ricky: This would be easier if the E-brake were off.
Max: True, but we can’t get to it right now can we?
Miles: It would also be easier if Woody would actually help us out here too.
Keith: Well I MIGHT, if I could even bloody walk without difficulty!
Robert: Still complaining about that? Give it a rest.



Ant: What’s goin’ on behind us?
Meg: … Max’s team are pushin’ Tim’s Avalon forward towards the garage door.
Ant: Now WHY are they doin’ that?
Meg: I’m not sure.



Wes: She’s got it, she’s got it!
(Small snapping sound)
Wes: … She don’t got it…
Eliza: Darn, I broke the lock.
Alan: What NOW!?
Wes: Pssst! Look ‘round the corner.



Ricky: Damn, this car’s heavier than it looks.
Alan: What ARE they doin’?
Eliza: Let’s go take a look.



Eliza: Gentleman.
Alan: Yo fellas! How’s it hangin’!?
Miles: Ah, Elza, look who showed up. What do YOU want?
Eliza: I was wondering what you guys were up to.
Miles: What’s it to you?
Wes: We broke the lock on the back door, can’t get in.
Miles: Oh, what a terrible shame. Sorry, can’t help you.
Keith: Agh!



Eliza: What’s wrong with him?
Keith: Broke my friggin’ leg!
Miles: He hasn’t broken his leg.



Alan: Does this hurt?…
Keith: G’AAAAAGH!!! Stop fuckin’ doin’ that to me!!! (Cries in pain)
Alan: He’ll live!
Miles: Exactly.
Eliza: Wow, you sure take care of your pack, don’t you? I’d trust you with my life… Oh wait a minute, no I don’t trust you at all.
Miles: ‘N’ yet you wanna’ hop on my plan to get inside?
Eliza: … Yes please.
Miles: Alright, but on one condition, you guys go first.
Eliza, Alan and Wes: …



Wes: You sure this is safe?
Miles: Sure I’m sure.
Eliza: I don’t trust your judgement.
Miles: Trust me just this once. I’ve broken into many houses many times if that makes you feel any more comfortable.
Eliza: … Not really.
Miles: Terrific! Now jump!
Alan: Off you go Wes!
Wes: Wait!



Wes: AAAAH! Oh that was close.
Alan: HE DID IT! Right, I’m next!
Eliza: Alan! Wait for Wes to-!



Wes: OW!
Alan: Oh, sorry buddy.
Wes: At least let me get inside first!
Alan: I’m sorry! Just don’t let go, we’ll be fine.
Eliza: Why me?
Max: We really aren’t cut out to be professional burglars.
Ricky: Say what you want but this is the most fun night I’ve ever had ever.



Ant: … You can say that again Richie.
Meg: You still lookin’? Naughty, naughty.
Ant: I can’t help it when you’re sittin’ right in front of me. Besides, you mustn’t be that bothered if you’re still sittin’ the way you are.
Meg: Whey I’m flattered you’re enjoyin’ the view but you have to focus ‘cause we still ain’t gotten our song right an’ if we don’t get it done by tonight I shall be very upset.
Ant: Oh ok… Hi-ho, hi-ho.
Meg: It’s off to dig we go.
Ant: …
Meg: … Well go on.
Ant: I can’t whistle.
Meg: (Sigh) From the top.
Ant: By the way, it feels like I’m barely gettin’ any more sand out of here, why not? I’ve been shovellin’ this crap for almost three quarters of an hour now an’ I don’t think I’ve gotten any further since nine.



Miles: Elza, you next.
Eliza: Erm, ok, but don’t any of you DARE to look up my dress ok? The thought of it… Ew.
Miles: …
Eliza: DON’T even say it Miles.
Miles: What? That you haven’t had-
Eliza: YES that! Don’t even bother saying it. The reason I haven’t is because I want it to be with someone special, and when most guys out there are like YOU then I think I’ll die this way.
Miles: Oh snap.
Alan: (Laughs) Sunglasses At Night just got owned by Lizzie!



Wes: Wow, you had a good jump there Eliza. Here, I’ll help you up.
Eliza: Thanks, I used to do gymnastics.
Alan: Haha! That’s so girly!
Eliza: And? I AM a girl.
Alan: … Oh yeah! So you are.
Eliza: Come on then boys, your turn to follow us.



Keith: Don’t leave me behind! You pricks!
Miles: How do you POSSIBLY expect us to get you up here, huh? You can’t even stand up anymore!
Keith: ‘Cause you bastards kept standing on my broken leg!
Everyone: IT ISN’T BROKEN!
Keith: The lot of ya’ can SOD OFF!
Miles: Gladly.



Miles: I don’t need help. In my career, you need to be in peak physical condition.
Alan: And what career is that career?
Miles: The kind that you shouldn’t nose into.
Ricky: (Sigh) I’m too old for this.



Ricky: Woah! Close call.
Keith: Robbie! Don’t leave without me!
Miles: C’mon Rob! Time’s-a-wastin’.
Robert: Sorry Woody!



Keith: You dick!



Ant: Woody, I have a spade in my hand, an’ now the only people here are us. So if you don’t shut up complainin’, I’ll use this spade to chop off your leg an’ then bury you alive an’ leave you to bleed out to death.
Keith: … (Gulps)
Ant: Ha! I’m just messin’ with ya’ Woody, I wouldn’t do that. Seriously though, shut your mouth now. Now Megs, where were we? Oh yes… Hi-ho, hi-ho.
Meg: It’s off to dig we go…
Keith: (Sigh) It’s WORK.
Meg: … Come again?
Keith: It’s off to WORK we go.
Ant: See Megs? I told you!
Meg: Ok, fine. From the top then…
Keith: I should’ve just let them keep goin’.
Ant: Still not feelin’ like I’m diggin’ any deeper at the moment either.



Leo: You kids run upstairs to bed now, an’ I’ll see you in the mornin’.
Gabrielle: Nighty night Uncle Leonard!
Charley: I love you Uncle Leonard!
Ellie: Good night!
Leo: Good night girls. I love you too.



Leo: Now I can finally break open Tim’s liquor cabinet. I’m in the mood to drink so much so fast.





Ricky: I know them kids fairly well, they fall asleep like that, ‘n’ even a sandstorm wouldn’t wake ‘em up.
Max: That’s all fine ‘n’ dandy but… Who’s lookin’ after ‘em?
Eliza: You find out. We’re splitting off from you again now.



Miles: You’re welcome for the help we gave you to get in here.
Eliza: I never said thank you.
Miles: Oh snap.
Alan: Ha, Sunglasses At Night gettin’ owned AGAIN!
Everyone: Ssh!
Ricky: The kids aren’t asleep YET, give them a minute or so.



Sammy: We need to get out! How do we get out!?
Missy: I don’t know Sammy, why don’t you actually give it some bloody thought for a change!?
Rico: Hey, now now kids, play nicely.
Missy: Hmph.
Officer: I got a joke for ya’, how many cops you gotta’ kill before the public notice ya’?
Missy: Oh this is going to be lovely.
Officer: None. Since when has an officer’s death ever gotten public attention? HAHAHAHAHA!
Sammy: Eddie! That’s not funny!
Missy: Mmm rawr look who’s fightin’ back.
Sammy: Cops DO matter. WE matter. We’re the best damn cops Brentstone’s ever seen. Better than it’ll ever see.



Sammy: Ok, sure, I’m not the brightest spark out there…
Officer: ‘N’ don’t we know it?
Missy: Sssh! This is pretty deep stuff comin’ from Sammy. Listen.



Sammy: I’ve never had the best luck…



Sammy: People around me, they haven’t had much luck either. But what I’m tryin’ to say is…



Sammy: I wouldn’t change what’s happened to me. I have the greatest friends ever, the most amazing companions, the greatest times… Sure, us being tied up and about to face a gruesome painful death like right now isn’t one of them times.
Officer: (Gulps)
Rico: Go back to saying nice things Sammy.
Sammy: (Sheds a tear) I love you guys!
Officer: Love you too bro, always got your back.
Rico: Me too Sammy, you’re the best partner I could’ve ever had. I’ll never forget the times we’ve had over the years.
Missy: I love you too Sammy, the last couple weeks with you has made me realise that I-
Sammy: HAHAHAHA! I wasn’t talkin’ about YOU Missy! I’ll be glad to get outta’ here so I can have my life back, be in peace. You cause me nothin’ but grief!
Missy: Why you little-!



Voice: So this is Brentstone Bureau’s finest… Huh? Interesting. We got some faggot in a faggot’s shirt, a tourist who don’t belong here, some delinquent in… Alterra’s most ingenious disguise.
Sammy: SEE!? I TOLD you it was a good disguise!
Rico: (Sigh) Oh Sammy, how we spend our final moments…
Voice: And of course we have the lovely, sexy… ‘n’ TALENTED young Melissa. Tell me darling, did you ever think about your stage name? You’re gonna’ be in many more movies, you could use one.
Missy: You spineless bastard!
Voice: Haha oh come on now, don’t be like that baby. Take her to the basement!
Henchman: But sir… we’re already in the basement.
Everyone: …
Voice: … Take her upstairs then! Leave me alone with the feds.
Rico: I can only assume that this is…
Voice: That is correct.



Finley: I am Firecracker Finley Hannigan. But I’m also known as Your Demise.
Sammy: I’d go with Finley. Your Demise is kind of a funny name.
Finley: (Sigh) I’m killing you first, you’re SO annoying already.



Leo: OH… NO… WAY! I TOTALLY didn’t see that comin’!
Miles: Please tell me he hasn’t hit the Tic-Tocs again.



Leo: Hey! How’d you guys get in?
Max: Could ask you the same thing.
Leo: Had to baby-sit my nieces, Tim’s brother Jim’s in hospital ‘n’ Tim asked me if I would look after the girls. Told him only if I could keep ‘em here. See? What can go wrong with breakin’ into a house, if you’re already in it?
Robert: He’s wasted, but he still makes sense.
Max: Tim, Kim and Jim? Hahaha!
Miles: Max, now’s not the time to poke fun at the convenient names.
Leo: Where’s Ant?
(Sounds of a car moving fast)
Miles: Huh?



Ant: Who the-?
Meg: What is it hun?






Mikey: Sorry we’re late! We’re SORRY we’re late!!!
Tammy: Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry SORRY!!! I hope we haven’t been a nuisance and caused trouble for anyone!



Mikey: Oh sweet plumbbob we’ve killed Len!!! NOOOOOOOOOO! Why!? It wasn’t your time to go!!! (Cries)
Tammy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Why us!? Why LEN!? He never harmed a soul, WE never harmed a soul! What did we do to deserve this?!?!?! (Cries) WE’RE GOOD PEOPLE!!!
Max: … Guys?
Miles: He’s fine, you only knocked him out cold. He was gonna’ end that way anyway.
Tammy: Oh thank the sands! I’m not prepared to take somebody’s life!



Ant: Sod the diggin’! It’s the biggest piss-take in Alterra!
Keith: Guys, guys! Don’t leave me! PLEASE!!!



Ant: Oh, so you finally show up.
Mikey: Hello!!!
Tammy: ANT!!!
Ant: Tammy?… What’s Mikey made ya’ do now?



Eliza: What’s with the all the commotion? … Someone put a hole through the wall?
Meg: Mikey’s here, dressed as whatever, an’ it’s the WALL that gets your attention?
Eliza: Oh Mikey! Hi there!
Mikey: I’m here!!!
Ricky: You guys been drinkin’ too?
Tammy: Just a little bit!
Wes: What’s with the outfits?



Mikey: We needed to be stealthy, right?
Tammy: Like NINJAS!
Mikey: EXACTLY! So why not LOOK like ninjas AS WELL as being them!?
Miles: You don’t look like a conventional ninja to me.
Tammy: No, because we’re pioneers! We’re completely reforming the ninja style!!!
Max: … I like the cape, Tammy.
Tammy: THANK YOU!



Mikey: … W-where are you going!?
Ant: I don’t have time to mess around anymore, I’ve lost my patience, I’m lookin’ upstairs for what I wanna’ find out. But yes, Tammy, I think you look really adorable in the cape, you should seriously wear it more often.
Tammy: Yaaaaaaaay!
Mikey: What about ME?
Eliza: We’re checking the other living room.
Miles: We’ll check the downstairs office.
Mikey: Guys… GUYS!



Mikey: C’mon! I’m not THAT bad am I!?… Damn, I KNEW I shoulda’ wore a cape too.
Tammy: I told you! Capes are the way of the future!



Guard: I should expect Miles is done in there by now… What the hell!?
Mikey: Guys, guys, guys! Intruder alert!!! RETREAT!!!
Miles: Aw shit it’s the guard. Everybody! Get out!
Tammy: Heroes never back down from the baddies!
Miles: This cape thing’s gone to your head.



Meg: I’m goin’ to check downstairs for you then.
Ant: Thanks sweetheart.



Meg: Huh?
Mikey: HAUL ASS BACK TO BASE!
Tammy: Private Felling! Get back here right now and report to Squadron Leader Willis! Never leave a man behind, ESPECIALLY your superior!
Mikey: Stuff that! I don’t wanna’ be in boot camp anymore!
Meg: ‘The hell’s goin’ on?



Guard: Len? Wake up.
Leo: Sophia… Where’d she go?
Guard: … Why is everyone dreamin’ ‘bout this Sophia chick?



Ricky: … Oh yes! Haha! Sorry Timothy, hope you don’t mind I charge extortionate interest for delays in payment.



Guard: Anyone there!?
Ricky: Uh-oh, best split.



Keith: Hey! Don’t leave me behind! COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!
Robert: Can’t stop now Woody, see ya’ later!
Tammy: Bye Woody! Take care!
Mikey: Bye Woody!
Ricky: You be careful now Woody!
Alan: Don’t do anythin’ we wouldn’t do Woody!
Keith: Stop callin’ me Woody!



Ant: What? Why are they all runnin’?
(Knock on the door)
Guard: Hello?
Ant: Oh shit no!



Ant: Erm… Oh this isn’t gonna’ work.



Ant: Oh… Hi there. It’s a nice evening isn’t it?
Guard: Over here buddy.
Ant: Two choices-jump over and either die or end up crippled like Woody, or fight this guy with the thoughts that he’s all talk an’ no problem to get past… What the hell, he doesn’t look so tough.



Ant: Not tonight, pal.



Ant: Oh shit!



Ant: OWWW!



Ant: That’s it! This isn’t fun anymore! I’m goin’ home, havin’ a nice shower…



Ant: An’ curlin’ up into bed fallin’ asleep… while holdin’ Chrissie in my arms.
Keith: Dude! You gotta’ get me on my feet!
Ant: Look at me! Do I LOOK like I can even get MYSELF on my feet!?
Keith: Now you know how it feels!



Meg: Ant! Woody! Come on!



Guard: Stop!
Ant: Thanks for waitin’ Megs.
Meg: Did you seriously think I’d abandon you? Not a chance Ant, not a chance.



Max: What happened to YOU Ant?
Ant: … Don’t wanna’ talk about it.
Meg: At least I was actually there to nurse him back to health unlike the rest of ya’ who buggered off!
Robert: Where’s Woody?
Ant: A&E. Fractured his ankle an’ tore the ligaments apparently.
Miles: I TOLD you it wasn’t broken.
Ant: There’s a very fine line between fractured an’ broken though. Luckily I haven’t broken anythin’, but I wouldn’t consider last night lucky.
Max: Me neither.
Eliza: Me neither.



Ricky: You guys, last night was a SUCCESS!
Everyone: …
Ricky: I’m leavin’ Lucinda in charge again while I’m away.
Wes: Where are you going?
Ricky: Holiday to New St. Martin, I’m gonna’ be away for a few months. But hey, I’ll be back once I’ve splashed out over there, lived the good life for a little while. Anyway, thanks for last night, it went GREAT. Should do it again some time.
Ant: I might have been punched out of an upstairs window and smacked my face off the ground, but even I’ll admit I’d do it again.



Tim: Morning, mind if I sit down?



Everyone: …
Tim: You look AWFUL Antony, what happened?
Ant: … Was workin’ underneath the Blackwood last night, repairin’ it. The ramp snapped an’ the chassis hit me in the face.
Alan: YES! That’s what happened! I know, I was with him the whole time.
Tim: Were you really? Nasty. Hope you recover soon. Leonard claimed he was hit by a car last night too, can you believe it? Says he’ll be alright though. He helped himself to a lot of my alcohol which numbed the pain. I’m just glad the nieces are alright, I have to take care of them for two whole weeks. Oh, look at the time, I have to get going.
Max: Don’t let us keep you.



Alan: See ya’ later, dude!
Tim: Oh and by the way… Next time you want to rob my house, do a better job at it, hmm? My guard told me everyone who was there last night. Everyone of you, Keith, Michael and even Tamara. And also you all seem to have left your cars strewn around my house… or what was left of it after the lot of you ransacked it. Speaking of whom, where’s Richard?
Alan: Stole your money an’ made off to New St. Martin for a few month.
Tim: Really? He won’t get far. The money’s fake.
Miles: What?
Tim: I knew he’d find it, take it, and for a small moment, enjoy it… Ha, that’s pleased me that. He’ll be back behind that bar miserable in a couple hours at the most. Anyway, see you all around.



Ant: What have you been doin’ with my Chrissie!?
Max: What do you know about my father!?
Eliza: Who is Kai really and what does he want with me!?
Tim: … Excuse me?
Miles: There were notes, written on newspapers, pin-pointing you as the culprit who knew about everyone’s problems. Now spill!
Tim: … (Bursts into laughter) Oh wow, I can’t believe it was a success!
Meg: What was that?
Tim: And just who wrote these notes, huh?
Max: They didn’t say.
Tim: (Smirks)
Ant: … It was YOU!?
Tim: That’s right Antony.
Robert: WHY?
Tim: I told you all the other day that I was bored, that’s why I coached Michael for a day. I thought I’d amuse myself by having you all running around looking for answers to questions I don’t even know. Don’t worry about my house-I can afford to rebuild it fifty times over, it’s worth the cost for the entertainment value it had.
Max: How did you know about my dad, Kai, and Chrissie?
Tim: At one point or another, you all told Michael, who, when I threatened to stop funding his repairs on his Oleg, told me everything. Figured I’d have some fun with that. Maxwell and Elizabeth, I’m sorry, I can’t help you with your problems. But Antony… Haha, you’ll just have to wait ‘n’ see. I’ll tell you one thing, it’s nothing to get upset about. Suppose it’s called love. But thieves like you wouldn’t understand a concept like that. (Laughs) Anyway, I’ve extended my getaway with Billie up until Showdown Day so I’m going back up there now. I only hope Leonard can struggle past his hangover and motoring injuries to take care of the kids… Good day.



Everyone: …
Ant: Thieves like us?
Alan: … I say one day, we all do that again. Refine our plans, get it done properly, we can still piss around like we did but just not let it get to the point where Woody is put in hospital an’ Lenny gets knocked unconscious.
Ant: Ahem.
Alan: An’ Ant doesn’t get his ass kicked.
Ant: Thanks for that.
Alan: Not a problem.
Wes: That’s the first serious thing you’ve ever said, Al. I’m proud of ya’.
Alan: Thanks buddy… I’m sorry Plan H didn’t work out last night.
Wes: Plan H was last night?
Alan: Doesn’t matter. Anyway! Who’s with me? Burgle another day?



Miles: Sure.
Robert: Definitely.
Wes: Why not?
Eliza: Count me in.
Meg: A’ight.
Ant: Hell yeah.
Max: … Bring it on.
Everyone: Yeah!



Receptionist: That’s the one! It was him! The one with the trench coat, unfashionable sunglasses and the messed up face!
Ant: Awww crap.
Max: Trouble? Guess we should split.



Ant: Thanks for helpin’ me out guys!
Max: Our pleasure.
Miles: Thieves like us?
Eliza: Thieves like us.
Miles: Seems you’re talkin’ to me again.
Eliza: For now.
Miles: Heh.
Eliza: Am I the only one who feels terrible about leaving Ant behind?
Max: Yep. He’d do the same thing to us… Except you, Eliza.
Eliza: That’s exactly why I feel like I should’ve stayed with him.
Alan: He’ll be fine. It ain’t like we left him entirely alone.



Officer: Sir, I’m placing you under arrest for identity fraud and theft of government documents.
Meg: Can’t arrest him. Not when he ain’t in your jurisdiction, or anybody’s jurisdiction for that matter.
Officer: …
Ant: Wow Meg, you sure know your law.
Meg: Daddy was a lawyer, Mama was a judge.
Ant: Wow, an’ in all the time I’ve knew ya’ I never knew that.



Ant: That got ‘em outta’ here pretty easy. Thanks Meggie.
Meg: Your welcome hun. After all the times you’ve saved me, I ain’t ever gonna’ stop backin’ you up.
Ant: Well, I appreciate it all the same, you’re the only person who stayed by me.
Meg: ‘Cause it’s me! I’m the only one who clearly seems to have a need to have you in my life…
Ant: … This is a pretty amorous hug you’re givin’ me.
Meg: … Mmm. You say somethin’?
Ant: (Sigh) Nothin’ sweetheart, nothin’.
Meg: Watch where you put your hand mister.
Ant: Whoops, sorry. I didn’t mean to.
Meg: Sure, of course you didn’t.
Ant: Honest! I wasn’t…
Meg: What is it with you an’ this skirt, huh?
Ant: Erm…
Meg: (Giggles) Ya’ don’t need to answer that.



Bystander: Must be near by now, right?




Daryl: No, we’re not near.



Daryl: We’re here.